"Lord, look, I've done some rough shit but I'm not asking for forgiveness now. Instead, I'd like you to forgive me after I stop sinning. Me being me, there might be a very short duration of time between my last sin and when I see you. I mean, why keep going back and forth with this bullshit, you must be busy.
Hey, thanks for taking my mom peacefully, that was cool and I'm working to accept it.
Thanks for the life I've had and have but I'll be damned if I thank you for bringing me here, nothing I do will ever mean shit. Folks can't even name the first five presidents.
Why didn't you ever come back and straighten out this heaven and hell bullshit? There was nothing before you so you brought him with you.
You already know that I don't believe in hell "after death". Hell is right now if I live like that which I don't.
I was weak and asked you for help a couple times in the last year, that was stupid. Your playbook is set and my prayers don't mean jack shit.
How about this? You keep throwing the ball and I'll keep trying to knock it out of the park, one day I'll fail and join all those before me?
Please don't place me with all them folks turning up their self-righteous noses up at my prayer, being with them would be worse than any conceivable hell!
Like I asked, my only request, "If you're going to forgive me, make it after my last sin".
I'm going to fuck up a whole lot more, plan on it!
At least I told the truth".
Hell yeah, AwwwITE, Amen, later, whatever...