Why It's Okay To Distance Yourself From Friends

Friendships are important, but many people come in and out of our lives and it's okay to create distance from old friends if there isn't mutual effort.

I can count those who I consider to be my best friends on one hand, but if I were to think of all the people I consider friends who have left an impact on my life, I would need a whole lot more hands. With only 19 years of experience, I feel as though I have met so many people already. But when I think about the amount of people I will meet in the next few years... in college, after college, after meeting my husband, after having kids... I am going to need a new way to count friends.

I think people have so much influence on our lives that we don't realize. Meeting so many new faces the past couple months during my first semester in college has made me appreciate the bond that I have with my high school friend group and those that have come into my life - whether or not I still keep up with them.

Keeping in touch is one of the hardest things to do. With the chaos of my life and all the stuff going on, it's hard to take time to talk to all my friends. Thanks to social media, I at least know what they are up to. But that's not enough. With winter break coming up, I am looking forward to seeing old faces and making an effort to spend time with the people who have seen me through happy times, sad times, funny times, stressful times and will be there for me in the future.

First semester of college has been a whirlwind of "friends." I have slowly started to figure out which friends are going to remain in my life and which ones I will see at reunions and every couple years (again thanks social media for keeping me creepy and updated). There are days I miss the comfort of my best friends sitting at our lunch table and laughing about the latest embarrassing moment and over analyzing the latest break up. They were the best part of my last four years. All the memories I have made and big moments in my life have been surrounded by the same group of girls and guys. Not a day has gone by where I didn't think of them and the stupid stuff we've done.

But, as I'm becoming more "mature" as a college student, I have thought a lot about the people in my life. I decided freshman year isn't a time to be picky about who you talk to, and it's also a time where I can start letting go of the negative relationships in my life. That's why I've made random small talk with the people next to me in class, even if they aren't my usual crowd. Just a simple statement like, "could it be any hotter in here," or "wait what did she say? she talks so fast" has led to smiles and hellos outside of the classroom, which nothing feels better on a big campus than a familiar face while trudging to your college algebra class in the harsh cold and wind this time of year.

If you were to ask me if I am one of those lucky people who have had a friend since they were so young they can't remember, the answer is yes. But I would be lying if I said that her and I have been consistently friends for the past 19 years. We recently were reunited at school. This girl was who I grew up with, played dress up with, spent hours trick or treating, playing Barbies and just being little girls with. We realized that we can't think of any other friend who we have known forever and know so much about. Although we have different majors and our lives are somewhat opposite (Art Major and Education Major), we still get together a few times a month and catching up with her has made me a happier person by just simply knowing I have someone I can always come back to.

I don't want to necessarily drop the friends who I no longer talk to every day, but I am figuring out that it's okay to let our relationship slide for the time being. If there isn't mutual effort to keep in touch then it's not worth the stress. A friendship works both ways.

I guess the point of writing this was to recognize that people come and go into our lives and if you don't take the time to talk and give each other attention, you will lose them. It's 100% okay to take a break from people and create and strengthen other friendships, but it's nice to have people to come back to so don't let it end on a bad note. Even though life seems super busy at times, friends should be support and understanding and bright lights on dark days. So spend some time reflecting on who you give the most time to in your life and give yourself the freedom to keep them or distance yourself.