Newscast Media HOUSTON, Texas -- For the past several weeks, a number of visitors to this site have requested commentary on the indiscretions that have happened in the political arena. Newscast Media doesn't do celebrity gossip. However, in response to some of the emails I have received asking me to write an article about why spouses in prominent positions in society tend to stray, I will explain the relationship dynamics using research I personally conducted years back while I was a Psych major.
The alpha male
The three prominent names that have kept coming up in the past few months are Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzeneggar and recently, Anthony Weiner, the politician from New York. Weiner resigned last week after he admitted to having online liaisons with six women while married -- sending them photos of his crotch and exchanging steamy messages using social networking sites.
All men exhibit alpha male traits and have dominated their chosen careers. Tiger and Arnold are self-explanatory considering the accolades and success they have experienced in sports and acting respectively. As for Anthony Weiner, he too is known for exhibiting traits, whereby he out-alphas politicians and dominates them. Below is a video clip of Rep. Anthony Weiner in his alpha male mode.
In relationships, it is not important to marry a good person, it is more important to marry the right person. A good person may not be the right person to get married to. So many times, the right person may be rough around the edges, and may not be obvious. Most people in courtships pre-qualify their mates. In other words, if that person meets a list of certain criteria, we assume the person may be suitable, while if someone lacks what we seek in a mate, we may be tempted to dismiss that person, even though that person might be the right person for us.
Alphas always wait for the green light
While beta males tend to be submissive or yes-men towards women in anticipation of reward, alphas tend to be assertive in the relationship. In the many interviews I conducted, as to why some women will reject some men and pursue others, the common theme these women said was that they had little respect for men who allowed women to walk all over them. Women want a man who can decipher their behavioral patterns --men who have internalized the art of courtship and have a clear vision of what they want from the relationship.
Almost all the women I spoke to said they did not want a man they would have to lead, they wanted the man to take the lead, because a man who took the lead was viewed as one with confidence. These traits are exhibited by alpha males. Another characteristic of alpha males as opposed to betas is that alphas never hit on women. They make the initial presentation, demonstrate that they are worthwhile, then simply sit back and wait for the woman to send "buying signals" or give the green light. By the time they are ready to close the deal, the woman is already sold out on the alpha. Sometimes it takes weeks or even months for a woman to surrender and lower her defenses.
If on the other hand a woman rejects an alpha male, he doesn't take it personally. He simply views that particular woman as someone who has bad judgment, therefore is not worthwhile, and then moves on. Alphas believe that a clinically sane woman will see the true value in a quality male, and respond positively.
All things alpha
The biggest mistake unbalanced alpha males make is to court or marry an alpha female. Both will eventually end up locking horns since there is a power struggle over control. Most female executives or politicians in high ranking positions are used to taking the lead and managing large teams of people. This creates a dilemma whereby most of these alpha females fail to separate the leading role they have at work, from their role in a relationship with an unbalanced alpha male.
A balanced alpha male, however, will have great success with an alpha female because he is able to to meet her spiritual, intellectual and emotional needs, unlike an unbalance alpha male that excels in one area at the expense of another.
Out of frustration, the unbalanced alpha males tend to gravitate toward beta females who are usually less aggressive and more subdued. Beta females tend to be less confrontational than alpha females. When an unbalanced alpha male experiences the more relaxed atmosphere around a beta female, a lot of things can happen. My studies concluded that beta females make the best partners for unbalanced alpha males, since there is less tension in such relationships, while the well-balanced alpha can enjoy relationships with both alpha and beta females.
I have also said to men (alpha or beta), "Never pursue a relationship with a woman who despises the kind of work you do."
If a woman doesn't think your line of work is honorable, she will begin to look down on you, and to some extent convince herself that she is doing you a favor by dating you. Unfortunately some women fall in love with the kind of work a man does, as opposed to whom he truly is as a human being. Some men reading this might be in pursuit of a certain kind of woman and are wondering why she stopped returning the phone calls. The reason is because she has defined you based on the type of work you do.
The way a woman talks to and treats an investment banker is totally different from the way she treats a janitor. Both are honorable professions, but if she perceives your job to be inferior, she will begin to believe you are inferior to her too, because she can't brag about you to her friends, co-workers or family. I believe that's why men make up fancy job titles when women ask them what they do.
A woman instinctively views the measure of a man based on his potential as a provider. The more prestigious his job is, the better a provider he appears in her eyes. A man's earning potential is directly proportional to how seriously a woman will regard him as a potential mate.
According to Tom Mortensen, as senior scholar at The Pell Institute for the Study of Opportunity in Higher Education, women outnumber men as college graduates. The U.S Census Bureau also shows that the number of females enrolling in college increased by 20 percent between 1967 and 2000.
Because women graduate in far greater numbers than men, there are several well-educated women who out-earn their male counterparts. However, a woman who truly values her mate will never belittle him or despise him simply because she is more educated or has greater earning potential than he does. Continue to PART II - Alpha males and females >>
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