New Bluetooth Hack Affects Millions of Devices from Major Vendors

 People see me with my wired headset and think I'm silly. I see them with their Bluetooth and think words much more offensive. The hacking methods are "not" limited to what's described here.

Yet another bluetooth hacking technique has been uncovered.

A highly critical cryptographic vulnerability has been found affecting some Bluetooth implementations that could allow an unauthenticated, remote attacker in physical proximity of targeted devices to intercept, monitor or manipulate the traffic they exchange.

The Bluetooth hacking vulnerability, tracked as CVE-2018-5383, affects firmware or operating system software drivers from some major vendors including Apple, Broadcom, Intel, and Qualcomm, while the implication of the bug on Google, Android and Linux are still unknown.

The security vulnerability is related to two Bluetooth features—Bluetooth low energy (LE) implementations of Secure Connections Pairing in operating system software, and BR/EDR implementations of Secure Simple Pairing in device firmware.

How the Bluetooth Hack Works?

Researchers from the Israel Institute of Technology discovered that the Bluetooth specification recommends, but does not mandate devices supporting the two features to validate the public encryption key received over-the-air during secure pairing.

Since this specification is optional, some vendors' Bluetooth products supporting the two features do not sufficiently validate elliptic curve parameters used to generate public keys during the Diffie-Hellman key exchange.

In this case, an unauthenticated, remote attacker within the range of targeted devices during the pairing process can launch a man-in-the-middle attack to obtain the cryptographic key used by the device, allowing them to potentially snoop on supposedly encrypted device communication to steal data going over-the-air, and inject malware.

Here's what the Bluetooth Special Interest Group (SIG), the maintainers of the technology, says about the flaw:

"For an attack to be successful, an attacking device would need to be within wireless range of two vulnerable Bluetooth devices that were going through a pairing procedure."

"The attacking device would need to intercept the public key exchange by blocking each transmission, sending an acknowledgment to the sending device, and then injecting the malicious packet to the receiving device within a narrow time window. If only one device had the vulnerability, the attack would not be successful."

On Monday, CERT/CC also released a security advisory, which includes additional technical details about the Bluetooth vulnerability and attack method.

According to the CERT/CC, Bluetooth makes use of a device pairing mechanism based on elliptic-curve Diffie-Hellman (ECDH) key exchange to allow encrypted communication between devices.

The ECDH key exchange involves a private and a public key, and the public keys are exchanged to produce a shared pairing key.

The devices must also agree on the elliptic curve parameters being used, but in some implementations, these parameters are not sufficiently validated, allowing remote attackers within wireless range "to inject an invalid public key to determine the session key with high probability."

Stop Bluetooth Hacking—Install Patches from Vendors

To fix the issue, the Bluetooth SIG has now updated the Bluetooth specification to require products to validate public keys received as part of public key-based security procedures.

Moreover, the organization has also added testing for this vulnerability within its Bluetooth Qualification Process.

The CERT/CC says patches are needed both in firmware or operating system software drivers, which should be obtained from vendors and developers of the affected products, and installed—if at all possible.

Also Read: BlueBorne Attack Critical Bluetooth Attack Puts Billions of Devices at Risk of Hacking

Apple, Broadcom, Intel, and Qualcomm Found Affected

So far, Apple, Broadcom, Intel, and Qualcomm have been found including affected Bluetooth chipsets in their devices, while Google, Android, and Linux have yet to confirm the existence of the vulnerability in their respective products. Microsoft products are not vulnerable.

Apple and Intel have already released patches for this security vulnerability. Apple fixed the bug with the release of macOS High Sierra 10.13.5, iOS 11.4, watchOS 4.3.1, and tvOS 11.4.

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Destination Weddings: Is Your Marriage Legal?

*I married a foreigner once and brought her back to the states, never again! If I do it again, we're staying in her country! Read the INS rules, do your homework.

Getting married amongst sandy coastal beaches in the Caribbean, or under a canopy of roses at the French Chateau, or even atop a mountain in New Zealand may sound heavenly -- but you'll need to check the local (foreign) laws of the country to make sure your marriageis legal when you return to the states.

Like U.S. marriage laws, foreign marriage laws vary among locations. Most countries require proof of a valid U.S. passport, birth certificate or other proof of residency before a foreign marriage may take place. Many countries also require blood and/or medical tests to be completed by the parties. Some countries (like France) require one or both parties to have resided in their country for a set period of time prior to a marriage. Therefore, because the rules vary greatly, it is necessary to check the foreign marriage laws of the country of interest to avoid any lengthy and costly mistakes.

Below is helpful information for U.S. citizens seeking to marry abroad.

Validity of Marriages Abroad

In general, marriages which are legally performed and valid abroad are also legally valid in the United States. Inquiries regarding the validity of a marriage abroad should be directed to their attorney general of the state in the United States where you live.

Who May Perform Marriages Abroad

American diplomatic and consular officers are NOT permitted to perform marriages. Marriages abroad are almost always performed by local (foreign) civil or religious officials.

As a rule, marriages are not performed on the premises of an American embassy or consulate. The validity of marriages abroad is not dependent upon the presence of an American diplomatic or consular officer, but upon adherence to the laws of the country where the marriage is performed. Consular officers may authenticate foreign marriage documents. The fee for authentication of a document is $32.00.

Foreign Laws and Procedures

The embassy or tourist information bureau of the country in which the marriage is to be performed is the best source of information about marriage in that country. In addition, American embassies and consulates abroad frequently have information about marriage in the country in which they are located.

Residence Requirements

Marriages abroad are subject to the residency requirements of the country in which the marriage is to be performed. There is almost always a lengthy waiting period.

Documentation and Authentication

Most countries require that a valid U.S. passport be presented. In addition, birth certificates, divorce decrees, and death certificates are frequently required. Some countries require that the documents presented to the marriage registrar first be authenticated in the United States by a consular official of that country. This process can be time consuming and expensive.

Parental Consent

The age of majority for marriage varies from one country to another. Persons under the age of 18 must, as a general rule, present a written statement of consent executed by their parents before a notary public. Some countries require the parental consent statement to be authenticated by a consular official of that foreign country in the United States.

Affidavit of Eligibility to Marry

All civil law countries require proof of legal capacity to enter into a marriage contract in the form of certification by competent authority that no impediment exists to the marriage. No such document exists in the United States. Unless the foreign authorities will allow such a statement to be executed before one of their consular officials in the United States, it will be necessary for the parties to a prospective marriage abroad to execute an affidavit at the American embassy or consulate in the country in which the marriage will occur stating that they are free to marry.

This is called an affidavit of eligibility to marry and the fee for the American consular officer's certification of the affidavit is $55.00, subject to change. As an example, the U.S. Consulate's Office in Barcelona, Spain provides detailed instructions for obtaining this affidavit of eligibility. Some countries also require witnesses who will execute affidavits to the effect that the parties are free to marry.

Additional Requirements

Many countries, like the United States, require blood tests.

Some countries require that documents presented to the marriage registrar be translated into the native language of that country.

Loss of U.S. Nationality

In some countries, marriage to a national of that country will automatically make the spouse either a citizen of that country or eligible to become naturalized in that country expeditiously. The automatic acquisition of a second nationality will not affect U.S. citizenship. However, naturalization in a foreign country on one's own application or the application of a duly authorized agent may cause the loss of American citizenship. Persons planning to apply for a foreign nationality should contact an American embassy or consulate for further information.

Marriage to an Alien

Information on obtaining a visa for a foreign spouse may be obtained from any office of the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services in the Department of Homeland Security, U.S. embassies and consulates abroad, or the Department of State Visa Office, Washington, DC 20520-0113. General information regarding visas may be obtained by calling the Visa Office on 202-663-1225.

Get Legal Help With Your Questions About Destination Weddings

Tying the knot in a vacation paradise is a great way to start a marriage. However, it won't be as blissful an experience if your marriage isn't recognized when you get back home. Before you book your wedding, it wouldn't hurt to speak with a family law attorney in your area to make sure that you won't have any legal headaches with your destination wedding.

Can Supplements Lower Blood Sugar?

ConsumerLab.com Answers  
Can Supplements Lower Blood Sugar?
Question:
Which supplements can help lower or control my blood sugar? 

Answer:
Many different supplements may help lower or control blood sugar in people with prediabetes or type 2 diabetes who experience hyperglycemia (when blood glucose rises higher than normal). These supplements are discussed below. More details about each, including dosage, drug interactions, potential side effects, and ConsumerLab.com's reviews of products on the market, can be found by clicking on the links. 

Due to the seriousness of hyperglycemia, it is important to consult with your physician regarding use of these supplements. 

Cinnamon supplements may modestly improve blood sugar in people with type 2 diabetes whose blood sugar is not well controlled with medication. In addition, one small study found that a branded cinnamon extract reduced fasting blood sugar by an average of about 10 mg/dL in prediabetic men and women with metabolic syndrome. Keep in mind, however, that only certain varieties of cinnamon have been shown to have this effect, and long-term safety studies have not been conducted. 

Curcumin (from turmeric) may improve blood sugar levels, according to preliminary studies, and one study found curcumin to dramatically lower the chances of prediabetes in middle-aged, slightly overweight men and women with somewhat higher than normal blood sugar levels. 

Alpha lipoic acid may improve insulin sensitivity and blood sugar control in people with type 2 diabetes, although it may only slightly reduce levels of glycosylated hemoglobin (HbA1c). 

Chromium picolinate may help some people with type 2 diabetes decrease fasting blood glucose levels as well as levels of insulin and glycosylated hemoglobin (HbA1c). However, be aware that high doses may worsen insulin sensitivity in healthy people who are not obese or diabetic. 

Having adequate blood levels of vitamin D may reduce the risk of insulin resistance in people who are obese. There is some evidence that a certain blood level of vitamin D is needed for normal glucose metabolism in women who are overweight and obese (but not diabetic), but it is not clear whether any further benefit is gained with higher blood levels. 

In healthy people, consuming a moderate amount of olive oil with a meal has been shown to reduce increases in blood sugar after the meal compared to the same meal consumed with corn oil. In people with type 1 or type 2 diabetes, olive oil may improve glucose metabolism.  

Increasing dietary fiber, especially insoluble fiber from cereal and grains, is associated with a reduced risk of diabetes and has been shown to reduce fasting blood glucose and modestly lower HbA1c in people with type 2 diabetes (Martin, J Nutr 2008; Post,J Am Board Fam Med 2012). In people with type 1 diabetes, 50 grams of dietary fiber per day has been shown to significantly improve blood sugar control and reduce hypoglycemic events (Giacco, Diabetes Care 2000). The American Dietetic Association states that "diets providing 30 to 50 g fiber per day from whole food sources consistently produce lower serum glucose levels compared to a low-fiber diet. Fiber supplements providing doses of 10 to 29 g/day may have some benefit in terms of glycemic control." (Slavin, J Am Diet Assoc 2008). Although ConsumerLab.com has not tested fiber products, we have produced a webinar about that provides more information. 

Ginseng, both American and Korean Red ginseng (from Panax ginseng), may reduce blood sugar levels in people with diabetes, according to preliminary research. 

Drinking whey protein before a high glycemic meal may help to lessen increases in blood sugar after the meal in people with well-controlled type 2 diabetes. 

Silymarin, a component of milk thistle, may decrease blood sugar and hemoglobin A1c in people with type 2 diabetes, and reduce insulin resistance in people with coexisting diabetes and alcoholic cirrhosis. 

Inulin, a type of prebiotic, may improve measures of blood sugar control in women with type 2 diabetes, although it did not improve blood sugar levels or insulin resistance in a study of prediabetic men and women. 

Berberine (a compound found in plants such as barberry, Oregon grape and goldenseal) may reduce blood sugar levels in people with metabolic syndrome or type 2 diabetes, according to a few small studies. 

Fenugreek may help to lower blood sugar, according to preliminary studies, and one study found fenugreek extract to significantly improve some measures of blood sugar control and insulin response in people with type 2 diabetes. 

D-ribose, often promoted for energy or sports performance, may also lower blood sugar levels (Fenstad, Internet J Nutr Wellness 2007). 

Gymnema sylvestre may decrease average blood sugar levels in people with type 1 or type 2 diabetes, according to two small, preliminary studies using 400 mg of a standardized extract (GS4 from Sabinsa, standardized to 25% gymnemic acid) for six months or more (Baskaran, J Ethnopharmacol 1990; Shanmugasundaram, J Ethnopharmacol 1990). 

White mulberry (Moruns alba or Morus indica) has been traditionally used in Asia to help treat type 2 diabetes, and there is some preliminary evidence to support this use. Mulberry leaf extract (species not given) may lessen increases in blood sugar after ingestion of table sugar in healthy people and people with type 2 diabetes (Mudra, Diabetes Care 2007). Among people with type 2 diabetes, taking 1 gram of powdered white mulberry leaf three times daily (after breakfast, lunch and dinner) for four weeks was found to lower fasting blood sugar by 27%, while taking 5 mg of the anti-diabetes drug glibenclamide lowered fasting blood sugar by only 8% (Andallu, Clin Chim Acta 2001). 

There is mixed evidence as to whether CoQ10 may lower blood sugar. To be safe, people with diabetes or who take medication to lower blood sugar should consult a physician before using. 

Preliminary evidence suggests certain other supplements, including aloe, ashwagandha, ginkgo, green coffee bean extract, glucosamine, black cohosh, rhodiola, reishi mushroom and tart cherry juice may lower blood sugar. While there is not enough clinical research to support the use of these supplements for this purpose, it's important to keep this in mind, as they could enhance the blood sugar lowering effect of other supplements or medications you may be taking. 

There are a few supplements which may worsen blood sugar control or insulin sensitivity in certain people: excessive amounts of niacin may elevate blood sugar levels, and prescription digestive enzymes may cause an increase or decrease in blood sugar levels in people with exocrine pancreatic insufficiency. CLA (conjugated linoleic acid), a popular supplement for slimming, may worsen blood sugar control in diabetics and in obese people without diabetes. 

Although fish oil does not appear to adversely affect blood sugar levels in people with diabetes, one study reported that a large daily dose of krill oil (providing a modest amount of EPA and DHA) reduced insulin sensitivity in overweight, middle-aged men by about 27% -- which could potentially increase the risk of diabetes. 

Also note that high doses of vitamin C may increase blood sugar or interfere with certain blood sugar tests. 

Learn More About Supplements for Blood Sugar 

What are the health benefits of aloe supplements? Are they safe? >>

I take insulin (Humalog) for diabetes. Are there supplements which could affect my blood sugar levels, and how much insulin I need to take? >>

Is it possible to take too much vitamin C? >>

What is berberine? Can it really lower blood sugar? Are there any cautions? Which supplements are best? >>

What are the health benefits of olive oil? >>

Do reishi mushroom supplements boost the immune system, or have other benefits? >>

See other recent and popular questions >>

Hey future Techy's, put this under your belt

 Would you like to travel all over the world building and fixing systems where you don't even know the language? Click "me" to get started.

Make No Mistake!

 I'm not gay tolerant, drunk or drug tolerant, excuse tolerant or sit on your ass and do nothing tolerant!

 People that don't stand for something will go for anything!

What does the scholarly research say about the well-being of children with gay or lesbian parents?

****At least I'm fair, I post things that I'm vehemently Against!

Overview: We identified 79 scholarly studies that met our criteria for adding to knowledge about the well-being of children with gay or lesbian parents. Of those studies, 75 concluded that children of gay or lesbian parents fare no worse than other children. While many of the sample sizes were small, and some studies lacked a control group, researchers regard such studies as providing the best available knowledge about child adjustment, and do not view large, representative samples as essential. We identified four studies concluding that children of gay or lesbian parents face added disadvantages. Since all four took their samples from children who endured family break-ups, a cohort known to face added risks, these studies have been criticized by many scholars as unreliable assessments of the well-being of LGB-headed households. Taken together, this research forms an overwhelming scholarly consensus, based on over three decades of peer-reviewed research, that having a gay or lesbian parent does not harm children.

Evaluating Studies that Conclude Gay Parenting Raises Risks: With regard to the four outlier studies, all share the same flaw. At most a handful of the children who were studied were actually raised by same-sex parents; the rest came from families in which opposite-sex parents raised their children for a period of time, but in which, often, one or more parent(s) subsequently came out as gay or lesbian and left the family or had a same-sex relationship. The result was a family that endured added stress and often disruption or family breakup. Including such children among those labeled as having been “raised by same-sex parents” is so misleading as to be inaccurate, since these children were generally raised by opposite-sex families and only later, after a family disruption, did they live in households with one or more gay parent(s), and only rarely did two parents of the same sex, in a stable, long-term relationship, actually raise the children together. Authors of these outlier studies argue that, nevertheless, such configurations often represent families with gay or lesbian parents, and hence it is reasonable to count them as indicators of what happens when children live with one or more gay parent(s).

Evaluating Studies that Find No Differences Resulting from Having a Gay Parent: Some critics of the LGB parenting research object to the small, non-random sampling methods known as “convenience sampling” that researchers in the field often use to gather their data. Yet within the field, convenience sampling is not considered a methodological flaw, but simply a limitation to generalizability. Within sociology and especially psychology, small, qualitative and longitudinal studies are considered to have certain advantages over probability studies: Such data can allow investigators to notice and analyze subtleties and texture in child development over time that large, statistical studies often miss. It is important to note, moreover, that some of the research that finds no differences among children with same-sex parents does use large, representative data. A 2010 study by Stanford researcher Michael Rosenfeld used census data to examine the school advancement of 3,500 children with same-sex parents, finding no significant differences between households headed by same-sex and opposite-sex parents when controlling for family background. Another study drew on nationally representative, longitudinal data using a sampling pool of over 20,000 children, of which 158 lived in a same-sex parent household. Controlling for family disruptions, those children showed no significant differences from their peers in school outcomes.

Click here for a printer-friendly PDF of this overview report.

I don't "expect" people to treat me well, I treat myself well leaving others no choice

Remember - Peanut Oil

How to Streamline Your Network Monitoring Deployment *Link

Go for it!

3 Ways to Make Your Car Audio System Sound Better Than Your Friend’s

1. Do it right from the start. It all starts with the head unit. That’s where your sound comes from, and it should start by purchasing the best aftermarket option you can afford. Even the fanciest OEM head unit options can’t hold a candle to a $300 Alpine or Kenwood aftermarket unit with dedicated pre-amp outputs, built-in crossovers, multiple equalization options, time alignment and numerous other ways to adjust your sound.

Factory units don’t have any of that, and they are simply not designed with aftermarket components in mind. All of the adapters, converters, and signal processors in the world won’t fix the terrible things those OEM systems do to your music.

If you want to sound better than your buddy, you need a better head unit! You want to be the best, don’t you? We can place a solid bet that he or she has already made the replacement. What will you do?

2. POWER! After the head unit, nothing beats power. The more you have, the better your system will sound. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to use all your power—you’ll want to have plenty to spare for those necessary moments.

When I say power, I mean you need amplification. Again, do it right the first time and don’t settle for “enough” power. Even if the speakers say 150 watts max power. That is the max, but remember: with great power comes great responsibility. And with a bit of self-control on your volume knob and proper amplifier gain settings, your speakers will play louder and more clearly than you ever thought possible. When it comes to sound quality at high volume, power is everything.

3. The details, are in the details.  Hushmat, foam baffles, F.A.S.T. rings, and custom built enclosures can all have an effect on how much music you can actually hear coming from your speakers. Speaker angle adjustments can make a huge difference on where your sound seems to originate from and what you hear coming from your speakers. It’s far more important to have two speakers mounted and aimed properly than half a dozen speakers slapped anywhere they fit. Proper amp gain adjustments can mean the difference between loud and crystal clear sound and speakers blown from distortion.

Saving up for higher quality equipment the first time around will go a long way towards building a better car audio system. You’ll be happier with the results and spend less by doing it right the first time. It’ll be cheaper than buying a smaller, more budget minded system now and upgrading it later because it’s not loud enough or doesn’t sound as good as you hoped it would. With a little planning and attention to detail, you’ll have the best sounding system on the block!

Custom Car Audio

Is “To say which method is better, it's a relative thing” correct?

Are you saying it correctly?

3G, 4G,5G,6G Cell Phone Scam

 I buy refurbished cell phones from Amazon for less than $50, why? I'm aware of the average capacity of the human mind.
I.E. I hypothetically pick up my phone to make random calls to explain Pythagoras' theorem.

 I can only "imagine" the number of people that wouldn't have a frickin clue of what I was talking about. Next, I purchase a $750 Samsung Galaxy with super high speed transfer and begin to make the same phone calls explaining the Pythagorean theorem.

 Oh my, I get the same results, hmmmm. 

 Here's why. I forgot one thing > The people I'm calling think at a half a "G" and delivering my information at light speed is a waste of time and money! By SMS, graphics, pictures, etc. all I did was confuse them a little faster than by old fashioned fax.

*Between the shop, Chart House and daily excursions into the world, I meet someone almost daily that has a 5 or $600 phone but no home, no car and no money. And there I stand with my $40 phone, a paid for yacht, $1500 dog and $23,000 hot rod S-10 as well as money in the bank.

 You make the determination, are faster phones a scam? LOL

Do you run your mouth beyond your scope

 I often observe men talking about abortion, not being a woman, not being able to carry a child, isn't this beyond their scope? People who have never had an Akita attempt to give me advice on raising an Akita and this is my 4th one. Once again, I believe this is beyond their scope.
 I could get very technical by using the tool of perception yet I won't due to the fact my nature often has me doing quite the same. I'd like to defend Nietzsche from other authors/philosopher's attacks on his person or style but I can clearly see it's beyond my scope.

 As you go through your day observing occurrences, before you speak, ask yourself, "Do I really have the experience to offer an opinion"?

Majority believe US will be on downward spiral through 2050

A majority of people in the United States believe the country will be on a downward spiral for decades, according to a new poll.

More than half, 54 percent, expect American life to go downhill until 2050, according to a recent poll by Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research.

That same percentage say life in America is worse today than four decades ago. Pollsters had asked people to rate the change in American life from 1972 until 2012.

The poll indicates that more of those who are pessimistic are middle-aged and older, those who earn mid-level incomes and those who identify as Protestants.

Even young people, racial and ethnic minorities, and nonreligious people, however, do not envision a better future.

Twenty-three percent think life will improve though, the poll indicates; 21 percent predict life will remain the same.

Only three in 10 who think life is better now largely credit computers and technology as the change that contributed to those improvements. Racial and ethnic minorities, the poll suggests, are more likely to point to domestic issues like civil rights. 

Although an increasing percentage of people predict the U.S. is heading down a negative path, nine out of 10 individuals rated themselves as being pretty or very happy. 

From Destructive to Constructive Conversations in 6 Steps

Let's assume that you already know that trying to express your feelings and thoughts while you are physically and psychologically aroused (angry, exasperated, deeply disappointed) is unlikely to help you communicate productively (unless you count number of insults or volume level as part of your productivity quotient).

Let's also assume that like me, you have adopted a number of "calming down" techniques (time out from the other person, breathing, going for a walk, standing on your head, eating chocolate, ok - I digress) before trying to talk with the person about what happened (or simply re-engaging with them at all).

Perhaps you have then discovered, like I have, that these calming down strategies work fairly well while the two of you are apart, but don't do much good when you actually try to communicate about the issue (whether in person or over email).

This is because most calming down techniques do not fundamentally change the thoughts and judgments you are holding about the person or their behavior.

Thus, when you communicate with the person, those negative thoughts and judgments ("She's careless and incompetent" "That was so inconsiderate and disrespectful!") get woven into your tone and word choices. And - sensing these barbed messages within your communication, the person will have a much harder time focusing on what you are saying - or hearing you the way you'd like to be heard.

So, what is one to do? Marshall Rosenberg, the father of Non Violent Communication (NVC), urges us to engage in "empathy before education."

The most effective and efficient way I know of doing this on my own is to fill out an Empathy Worksheet.

There are different variations of these in the NVC community; this one is a slight modification of one used by Newt Bailey, effective communication coach and conflict resolution trainer, facilitator and mediator - as well as one of the stars of the Conflict Hotline, a show on conflict resolution hosted by BayNVC's non violence guru Miki Kashtan.

What I love about my Empathy Worksheet:

• Quick (10 - 20 min depending on how deep you want to go)
• Easy (my 8 yr. old does it on his own)
• Empowering (moves me past self-pity, anger, judgments and criticisms to what really matters to me)
• Effective (allows me to communicate in a way that greatly increases my chances of being heard and to hear the other person)

So, what's involved?

1: Stop, Drop and Write!

STOP what you are doing and take 10 minutes to fill out the Worksheet!

BEFORE YOU PRESS SEND. Don't send that angry email you just composed! Go do the Worksheet and then edit the email before sending it out.

BEFORE YOU ESCALATE. If you are in an escalating argument, STOP. Tell the other person this is not going anywhere productive and that you'd like to take some time out and continue in 30 minutes. Go do the Worksheet and then reboot the conversation using what you discovered.

BEFORE YOU CONFRONT. If you are upset and rehearsing all the things you are going to say when you see that person, find 10 minutes to do the Worksheet first.

BEFORE YOU LOSE ANY MORE SLEEP. If you are ruminating about something, do the Worksheet for some relief and some movement forward.

Preparing the Worksheet: You can create the Worksheet on any piece of paper. Divide the paper in thirds by letterfolding it. Label the top third "Judgments", the middle third "Feelings" and the bottom third "Needs".

2: Choose one specific incident.

Choose a specific incident and describe it as objectively as you can at the very BOTTOM of the page (the top will get thrown out later).

Even if you are angry or disappointed by a series of incidents, it will help if you choose one (either the most recent or the one that is MOST symbolic of the whole thing).

Let's say the issue is your partner repeatedly not following through with agreements you have made. The most recent incident might be that they did not mail a package they said they would mail for you.

EXAMPLE OF OBJECTIVE DESCRIPTION OF THIS INCIDENT:

Got home and saw the package on the table.

A less objective description would be: "The package was still on the table..." or "You forgot to mail the package" or "Once again, something I care about was not..."  etc.

3: Write down your Judgments.

This is the part where you get to vent!

In the TOP THIRD of your Worksheet, write down all the nasty, brutal, attacking, judgmental, self-pitying, analytical, diagnostic, despairing, evaluative judgments and thoughts you are having about the person or incident. Don't hold back (they will NOT get to see this part of the sheet).

EXAMPLE:

So inconsiderate!        Oh my god can't take it anymore!        Self centered, uncaring, no feelings.        Really in trouble this time.       Why why why???        Can't trust anymore.        Unbearable! etc.

4: Write down your Feelings.

In the MIDDLE THIRD of your Worksheet, write down all the feelings you have about the person or incident. If your feeling vocabulary is a bit under-nourished, use a list such as this one: http://cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory.

EXAMPLE:

Angry.     Furious.      Frustrated.      Surprised.     Actually - NOT surprised!       Exasperated.        Fuming.          Despair.        Hopeless.         Super sad.        etc.

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