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Common Racist Behaviors and Attitudes of Many Whites

I remember when one of my deepest fears as a white person was to be called racist! Today, I don’t label people as racist, but instead focus on naming and interrupting racist behaviors and attitudes. When people are called racist they almost always shut down, get defensive, or fight back: none of these reactions generally leads to increased awareness and behavior change.

I find it far more effective to invite people to honestly assess which, if any, of the following types of racist attitudes and behaviors they have ever thought or done. Over my lifetime, I have done them all and if I go unconscious, I can replicate racist dynamics today in a split second.

I challenge you to choose courage in this confidential quiz as you reflect on each of the following items and use the following scale to rate how often you have thought or done them.

Take the Quiz

12 Practical Dating Tips for Smart Women

By Jeannie Assimos, Vice President, Content

This guest blog from relationship expert Janet Ong Zimmerman contains some real words of wisdom. I love the idea that we can control our dating lives more than we realize — and I have heard the point about being who you want to attract from some very wise souls out there. Enjoy, and I hope some of this resonates with you!

Modern dating rules have become complicated, as the role of men and women are blurred. Anyone can ask anyone out, no one knows who is supposed to pay, or if a date is really a date or just a hook up. Women who initiate contact are left wondering why they have a hard time attracting and dating masculine men. Following modern dating rules will make you feel discouraged and confused.

If you’re sick and tired of getting dismal results in your love life, stop following old dating advice that lacks substance and modern dating rules that are confusing. Instead, follow real world dating advice, like these 12 nuggets of wisdom, and meet more of the right men and make meaningful connections.

Dating Advice #1: Stop dating for a while

If you are no longer enjoying the dating process, don’t force yourself to date. Stop dating if you’re burned out, in the wrong mindset or carrying residual baggage from the past. When you’re not having fun, the heavy energy of disappointment and skepticism will repel high quality men, reinforcing all of the reasons why you don’t like dating. Get into the right frame of mind, open your heart and lighten your load. Working through and releasing negative energy prepares you for a better dating experience.

Dating Advice #2: Control your dating destiny

Getting dismal results tends to occur when you let your dating life happen to you. Instead of letting dating control you, do what’s within your control. This means developing and sticking to a dating strategy. When you stick to your strategy, you won’t be as tempted to hang out with good-looking bad boys, and you won’t get sidetracked by the wrong relationships. You’ll be able to hold a clear vision, stay the course, trust in the outcome and let the universe bring you who you’re supposed to be with.

Dating Advice #3: Embrace your single status 

If you hate being single, you may come across as too eager and desperate, which scares good men away. This can also cloud your vision from seeing red flags because you’re fixated on being in a relationship. If you’re having a hard time being single or feeling badly that you haven’t found that special man, it’s okay. Take this time to embrace and enjoy your single status so that you can learn the lessons needed in order to move forward and create the love you desire.

Media and the Myth of Infidelity

Dating Advice #4: Don’t compare yourself to others

Stop comparing yourself to other women. You are on your own path in life and love. Your path is based on your experiences, what you need to learn and how you need to grow. The path your friend has taken may be more direct while your path may have more forks in the road. Both paths lead to the destination of love. It’s my experience that the path with the forks in the road gives you a richer, more dimensional experience. Replace the temptation to compare yourself to others by believing that everything is happening for your greater good.

Dating Advice #5: Don’t be yourself

If being yourself hasn’t gotten you asked out on subsequent dates or captured a man’s heart, act like a person you want to attract. For instance, if you have a hard time trusting men yet want a man who is trustworthy, work on your issues with trust. If you have a hard time being vulnerable and want a man who communicates openly, you will want to become more vulnerable. Remember, you attract who you are, not what you want. Determine the qualities and traits you’d like in your ideal man, and work on embodying those within yourself.

Dating Advice #6: Set the pace and standards

If you’re tired of meeting men who try to rush you into intimacy, bring back the genteel days of being wooed. When you let a man woo you, you learn if he is looking for a fling or is interested in getting to know all of who you are for a long-term relationship. Setting the pace and standards will bring forth the man who is right for you. This approach increases the probability of turning your dates into a promising relationship.

Dating Advice #7: Be selective about who gets to go out with you

You are a prize. Instead of going out with just any man who asks you out, be selective. Only date men who are deserving of being with you. A man deserves to date you if he makes you a priority in his life, calls when he says he’s going to, communicates in between the times you see each other, makes time to see you and treats you well. A man doesn’t deserve you if he only sees you when it’s convenient for him, has you paying for most of your dates and doesn’t do what he says. Being selective reinforces positive feelings and gives you better dating experiences.

Dating Advice #8: Cut ties early on

If you’re looking for a long-term commitment and the guy you like says he isn’t looking for anything serious, believe him. If you keep seeing him hoping that he’ll change his mind, you’ll waste precious time and regret that you didn’t believe him. Walk away so that you can be available for a guy who is looking for the same kind of relationship you are.

Dating Advice #9: Use the 80/20 rule

Don’t fall prey to a man who says what you want to hear, then behaves and acts differently. If you tend to take a man’s words at face value and are constantly let down, stop believing what he says. Pay attention to his behaviors and actions and let them reveal his true intentions. Adopt Pareto’s Principle, the 80/20 rule. If a man is 80 percent talk and only 20 percent actions, let this guy go. If a man is 20 percent talk and 80 percent actions, he is a keeper. If you use the 80/20 rule in your dating life, you’ll weed out the talkers and make room for the men who actually walk their talk.

Dating Advice #10: Let your feelings guide you

Overanalyzing every little thing makes it impossible to enjoy dating, have a meaningful connection, and make clear decisions. Relax your mind and notice how your body feels when you’re on a date or have a decision to make. If your body feels open, expanded and light, you are feeling a strong connection, enjoying your date or should move forward with your decision.

If your body feels tight, contracted and heavy, self consciousness is causing you to worry too much about what he thinks of you. This makes it hard to enjoy your date and build a positive connection. If you’re trying to make a decision, don’t move forward or wait for more information to gain clarity on what to do. Your feelings are the truest indicator of what to do when it comes to matters of the heart.

Dating Advice #11: Keep your options open

If you’ve been seeing a guy you really like, don’t assume you have an exclusive relationship. Leave your options open by keeping your online dating profile up and being available for other guys to ask you out. When a woman really likes a guy, she usually initiates “the talk” with him to see where their relationship is heading. Don’t be like every other woman who is desperate to be in a relationship.

Instead, determine your reasons for wanting to be in a committed relationship with him. Then answer these relationship questions to determine if he really is the guy for you. Captivate him with your inner beauty, build a meaningful connection, and he will soon initiate the talk. If he loves being with you, he won’t want to lose you to another guy.

Dating Advice #12: Get feedback

When dates that seem to go well don’t work out with men you really like, you may wonder what happened. Instead of being left in the dark, ask these men for feedback on what you can do to improve as you move forward. As an experiment, contact a man you recently went out with and ask him what his perception of you has been and what you can do to improve yourself. Be open to hearing what he has to say and take action to make improvements. If you’re open to experimenting even more, contact a few more men for feedback.

You have the power to create the experience you’d like in your dating life. Putting these 12 nuggets of wisdom into practice will keep you feeling empowered and re-energized about dating. You will get asked out by great men, enjoy the dating process, and go from date to mate. 

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Surprising dating advice that gets real results

Absolute "Truths" are few and far between "if at all" while "true" is relative

 I doubt I'll address this again so here goes > The only absolute truth that I can be "somewhat" sure of is, "True is relative".
 Here's a very simple example: I say that today is a very wonderful day. It's a bit cooler, light rain with cloud cover. This is my truth through perception and my interpretation of my conditions coupled with what I like.

 "Others", may say, "It's ok, it's the ultimate, it sucks, I'll take it or leave it" etc. Practicality suggests that the percentage, depth and substance of my "for me" absolute is also set by me.

  I word of advice, when you approach others in any form or fashion realize the "truth" you may say was also orchestrated by you. "No one" has to accept your truth.

The rich say knowledge is money

Everyone’s heard that knowledge is power, and that seems to hold true when it comes to power over finances: The more you know, the richer you are, according to two recent studies.

In two separate surveys by Spectrem Research Group, the wealthy describe themselves as “very knowledgeable” about finances and say they possess confidence in their abilities to manage their own investments. Among the most confident investors are the so-called millennial millionaires (the generation born approximately between the early 1980s and 2000).

In its first-quarter wealth study, Spectrem found that more than 40 percent of respondents with $5 million to $25 million in investable assets describe themselves as having a high level of investing knowledge. Among those with $100,000 to $1 million, only 11 percent describe themselves that way.

Those with less wealth also express more regret about how they handled their finances before the recession, saying they wish they had saved more and not taken on so much debt.

Wealthier respondents generally don’t have such regrets and are also looking forward to a rosier retirement. Those who expressed a high level of knowledge say they are confident about how to handle Social Security benefits and manage various income streams during retirement.

Among younger investors, a separate survey found that millennials with a net worth of $1 million or more express a high level of confidence in their own abilities to manage investments. Nearly 60 percent say they enjoy investing and this group is most likely to want to have hands-on involvement in the process every day. They are less likely to use an investment manager than those in older generations, with about a third preferring to do it all themselves. Another 42 percent say they make most of their investment decisions, consulting a manager only for specific needs.

Keep up with your wealth and mortgages and follow me on Twitter.

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Top 10 Technology Trends To Bring Changes in 2019

The rapid development of technology with acceleration has made it the principal factor for social, economic and political changes in the world.

It has become a large spectrum of human activity and therefore it has a potential of overpowering human minds. Though every single technological up gradation is created and invented by humans, soon it can happen that humans become lesser powerful in terms of technology.

Thorstein Veblen, a german theorist have coined a term as ‘technological determinism’ and brought a theory explaining how it has spread from years after years tearing down old developments and identifying new processes rapidly.

He also added in this theory that such fast-changing trends in technology can also control human behavior by putting a long-term effect on their psychology. It can change human behavior and relationships a well.

But, putting aside all the controversies with the development of technology, it is important to know that how innovative inventions have changed the history of human beings or being humans should be said.

Every single day, there is an up gradation in the technological path where the ‘global village’ and its people are living. So, have a look at the top 10 technological trends that can easily transform the world to the next level in 2019.

Research has come up identifying such trends and its benefits too.

The world has developed from texting to whatsapping. Today, almost everything we do have track of data breadcrumbs showing it as ‘encrypted’. This increasing process has made an unprecedented exploration of technology in human lives.

In 2019, the process of datafication is likely to change a lot because a lot more messaging apps may get invented with unique features and more of data collection can take place. As every single data gets saved or encrypted, there is less chance of discrepancy with any action.

Internet of things is commonly known as IOT. It encompasses smart or products that are connected to people in every single way. Gone are those days when your mother used to come and wake you up for the work. As alarm became an integral part of our lives, smartphones and other smart gadgets have also entered with the flow.

Day by day, we are getting dependent on these products of technology. To put into the words of Raul Prebisch, inventor of Dependency Theory, people are accustomed to dependency and once they realize that they do not have to put much effort for doing a work, they tend to become lazy.

Therefore, IOT also ensures a large growth of mobile marketing. People who are dependent on these smart gadgets will definitely buy them and the market will flourish.

Research predicts that this will reach the zenith successfully by 75 billion connected devices within 2-3 years.

For us tech lovers.

Make a great game that encourages your children to learn

 Before watching your children's favorite TV shows grab your internet connected device. As you begin watching explain these simple rules > Every time a word or phrase is said on TV that your children don't understand they will have to search the word or phrase on the net to get the definition or meaning.
 Tell them that their efforts will be rewarded with a favorite healthy snack, treat or activity and let the fun learning begin.

What If America Had Canada's Healthcare System?

It's not uncommon, when Republicans score a major political victory, for American liberals to throw up their hands and say, "Screw this! I'm moving to Canada."

More often than not, it's an empty threat—deterred either by the intricacies of the visa process or a glance at the January weather forecast in Winnipeg.

But what if the opposite happened? What if Canada moved here? Specifically, what if its healthcare system were to pack up, migrate southward, and rain its single-payer munificence over America, for a change?

To review, Canadian healthcare basically works like Medicare, but for everyone. Medical care is free, and it covers almost everything other than prescription drugs, glasses, and dental care. (Most people have supplementary insurance to cover those things). It keeps its drugs cheap by negotiating at a federal level with pharmaceutical companies.

Indiana University's Aaron Carroll offers a more thorough explanation of how it works in this video:

Earlier this year, the Commonwealth Fund released a ranking of 11 developed countries' healthcare systems. The American one, the world's most expensive, ranked dead last. As I wrote at the time, the U.S. scored poorly on managing administrative hassles for both doctors and patients, avoiding emergency-room use, and reducing duplicative medical testing, among other things.

To be fair, the Canadian system didn't fare much better, coming in 10th out of 11. Still, according to a new interactive released by the Commonwealth Fund and based on the earlier report, if Americans had Canada's healthcare, we might see some surprising gains in our quality of life and reductions in our healthcare expenditures.

First, the good news: 5,400 fewer babies would die in infancy, and we'd save about $1.3 trillion dollars in healthcare spending. (The green blocks on the right show the number of dollars or lives saved, while the red blocks on the left show the expenditures or deaths that would still happen.)

Full Article

What is the future of America?

 Practicality would dictate that you get a jump on the gun and start teaching your kids Chinese. *The last ones to realize & accept that Rome was falling were the Romans.

Trump Not Flying the Flag at Half-Staff for McCain

 The "Majority" of Americans elected President Trump. He is the most disrespectful, childish, egotistical, lying, cheating, loser that I've ever seen! *Apply the abstract to the concrete and this shows that the majority of Americans are what?

 To ALL the Trump supporters, "You reap what you sow"! I didn't want Hillary either! "But" as your world crumbles, know that I am somewhere on this planet laughing my ass off!

*For the last 10 years or so I've agreed that there should be a measure of population control and or depopulation strategies. However, I could never draw any conclusion on the "who or how".
Thanks to today, "I have a who".

Be Honest, Be real, Keep it 100 - It's All Bullshit

 People don't want to hear the truth, they want to hear "what they want to hear".

 For example:

- Do I look fat in this? Yes, you look like you ate a small child. Try it!

 - Do you like my mother? Hell no! Try it!

  - Are you a family man? Fuck no, not me! Try it!

 - Do you have a job? No, I live in my mom's basement. Try it!

 - Did you go to college? Yes, cosmetology school. (She paints fingernails at the flea market) Try it!

 - What's your faith? Borderline Islamist Extremeist. Try it!

 - Do you love your wife? What, that worrisome bitch gets on my nerves. Try it!

 - Do you love your kids? I love them but I can't wait for those delinquent bastards to turn 18 and get    out of my house! Try it!

  I could go on for days, I bet you don't tell the truth so why do you expect it?

The Fat Fetish, Explained

While researching a previous blog on fat fetishes, I came across the practice of ‘gut flopping.' According to the online Urban Dictionary, gut flopping is “where a large bellied individual raises his or her stomach and allows it to drop upon his or her sexual partner in a way that creates a smack sound [and] is an act performed for sexual pleasure." There is an infamous clip on the internet featuring gut flopping (which you can check out here if you are so inclined), but there is little written about it academically (or non-academically for that matter). However, one variant of this that appears to be very popular among a minority of men is ‘BBW squashing’ (i.e., men being squashed by one or more ‘big beautiful women’ for sexual pleasure) and also known as ‘crushing’ or ‘smashing’ by squashing enthusiasts. One such BBW (‘Massive Mocha’) appeared on Dr. Drew’s US television show in October 2011 talking about her experiences as someone who catered for men’s fetish to be sat on and squashed by very large women. ‘Massive Mocha’ revealed that men ask her to sit on them until they feel they are going to pass out from loss of breath.

According to the Squashing Fetish website, there are many variations of the fetish. Heterosexual squashing comprises very obese women squashing smaller (typically thin) men. Homosexual squashing comprises very obese men squashing much smaller men. For some, fantasizing about being squashed may satisfy the fetish. This may include someone (weighing anything from 200 pounds to 600 pounds) sitting, standing, jumping, and/or crushing their face, belly and/or chest (resulting in the person being squashed while squirming). The relationship (concerning control) is psychologically similar to the dominant and submissive in sexual sadism and sexual masochism. Being unable to breathe (or breathe properly) appears to be critical in the fetish and in that sense shares similarities with hypoxyphilia (i.e., autoerotic asphyxiation in which individuals derive sexual arousal and pleasure from the restriction of their oxygen supply).

A couple of years ago, Channel 4 (in the UK) screened Nick Betts’ documentary My Big Fat Fetish. One of the women interviewed at length in the show was BBW Reenaye Starr. She was interviewed by a British tabloid newspaper prior to the show being aired and was asked whether the physical contact associated with a squashing was seen as the ultimate prize by men who pay to be squashed by her. Starr was reported as saying:

“It depends. There are so many different kinds of ‘fat admirers.' Some men are not interested in squashing at all. Some men are just into big ladies looking cute. And then there are some into hardcore pornography who want to see big ladies having sex. It all depends on what your sub-fetish is—but to these men, being with a big woman in any capacity is their ultimate desire. [My] subscribers come from all over the world. But there is definitely a huge following in the UK…I personally—other than my husband—have two feeders who send me money for food online. They don’t physically feed me as they’re too far away but one is based in the US now so he does come in for squashings.”

In an online article on BBW squashing (which looks as though it was written by BBW squashers themselves but I can’t be sure), it noted “we may not be able to explain how being squashed can be sexy, but it is an important part of foreplay for those who have this kind of fetish." The (anonymous) writer confirms my own view that BBW squashing is on the same spectrum as sexual behaviours such as sadomasochism, bondage, and domination “which means that in order to find sexual pleasure, one must feel pain from lack of oxygen, beating, among others." The article also claims that BBW Squashing “is not as life-threatening as autoerotic asphyxiation since the man can tap the BBW anytime he feels that he’s close to passing out." It claims that most BBWs engage in squashing for financial reasons and that their primary aim is “to concentrate on the sexual gratification of their clients…Others like Queen Raqui, it’s more like a sport in which she also earns money, without the pressure of having sex with her clients." The article mainly concerns all the different types of ways that men can be squashed by BBWs.

* Face-Sitting: This position involves the man lying diagonally across a bed with his head at the corner of the bed. The BBW squasher (BBWS) then sits on the man’s head with the man’s face in the BBWS’s crotch. Some BBWSs may move or shake about to enhance the man’s pleasure.

* Sixty-Nine (69): This position involves the man lying flat on the bed while the BBWS lies on top of him so that her face is in the man’s crotch and is facing his legs (and vice-versa). Either partner may stimulate each other’s genitals while in the 69 position.

* Back-Lying: This position involves a man lying on his back with the BBWS sitting on him and crushing his chest and/or face.

* Leg-Captivity: This position involves the BBWS wrapping the man’s head between her legs with the man facing either her crotch or her buttocks. The BBWS may completely suffocate the man in this position (and has to rely on the man to signal to her to let her know when to let go).

* Riding Horse Man: This position (as might be expected from the name) involves the BBWS riding the man like a horse while he is on his front. This is said to increase the man’s sexual arousal.

* Double Trouble: This is not a position as such but involves two BBWSs sitting on a man in any variation of the positions outlined above.

In a previous articles I examined both macrophilia (i.e., sexual pleasure and arousal from giants) and crush fetishes (i.e., sexual pleasure and arousal from crushing or being crushed), and there seems to be some psychological similarity between BBW squashing and these other sexual paraphilias and fetishes. For instance, some macrophiles date extraordinarily tall women (so called ‘Amazons’) even if they have to pay for the privilege to do so. For instance, Mikayla Miles (who, when wearing her fetish boots, is nearly 7 feet, and 6 feet 4 inches without the boots) provides private sessions with macrophiles to engage in behaviours such as trampling. This has a lot of resonance with BBW squashing. Research has been carried out into both sadomasochistic sexual activity and fat fetishes, but little on where they intersect. This would certainly be a fruitful area for further empirical investigation.